i need need need the library one for my birthday pls pls pls

You can say you’re not in the cake fandom but EVERYONE is in the cake fandom

I have such particular enmity for arguments that try to use need/non-self-sufficience as pejorative. 

Like “So what, X just can’t take care of themselves/do all this for themselves?” with clear presupposition that that would be bad so you’re going to have to deny it and then they’ve got you.

And it’s great how coming from a paradigm of embracing need and fighting ableism means you can cut that right off.

Like, “Yes, I can’t just take care of myself/do all this myself. There are resources I don’t have and obstructions and suppressants in my way. I need help and support and I should be able to get it. And if I’m not, then that’s wrong and a problem we need to be solving.”

Can anyone help me about twitter

So. Is there anyone who can maybe help me/give me some advice.

There are conversations happening on twitter at the moment that I really want to keep up with and read. 

But, like I say here, twitter is a completely horrible medium for me to the point of unbearableness beyond a bit.

Might anyone have any advice, strategies, etc for me that might help me/be ability support for me in engaging with twitter?

(Some specific things I think are causing issues:

  • I’m having trouble figuring out how conversations work. What connects to what? What do I click on to read what? If I wanted to at some point, what do I reply to? The first thing? The last thing? Is there a guide to this somewhere?
  • I have a thing about being able to find things again if I need to. I can’t figure out how to do this with twitter. (Bookmarking is completely inefficient.)
  • I get overwhelmed by trying not to miss things in conversations. Conversations have different lengths or branches depending on what you click, I can’t figure out what they all are, etc.
  • I get overwhelmed by trying not to miss things on people’s posting pages. I don’t know any ways to jump back to a specific point rather than starting at the beginning.

(Yes, I know that this is a case of issues I have clashing incredibly with how something works. That’s the problem. I’d like to see if anyone has any ideas or resources for dealing with this).


"What I remember most about emotional abuse is that it’s like being put in a box. How you end up in there is the biggest trick – I never managed to work that one out. Maybe you think it’s a treasure box at first: you’re in there because you’re special. Soon the box starts to shrink. Every time you touch the edges there is an “argument”. So you try to make yourself fit. You curl up, become smaller, quieter, remove the excessive, offensive parts of your personality – you begin to notice lots of these. You eliminate people and interests, change your behaviour. But still the box gets smaller. You think it’s your fault. The terrible, unforgivable too-muchness of you is to blame. You don’t realise that the box is shrinking, or who is making it smaller. You don’t yet understand that you will never, ever be tiny enough to fit, or silent enough to avoid a row"


if results are unequal, inputs are unequal. “Equality of opportunity” is meaningless if we can’t check inputs against results.


Wire Trees Sculptures by Clive Maddison


If slurs are “just words”, why do the words “you’re a racist” offend you so much?








I’m gonna depress the hell out of all of you. ready? ok go

so, that “stop devaluing feminized work post”

nice idea and all

but the thing is, as soon as a decent number of women enter any field, it becomes “feminized,” and it becomes devalued.

as women enter a field in greater number, people become less willing to pay for it, the respect for it drops, and it’s seen as less of a big deal. it’s not about the job- it’s about the number of women in the job.

observe what happened with biology. it’s STEM, sure, but anyone in a male-dominated science will sneer at the idea of it being ‘for real,’ nevermind that everyone sure took it more seriously when it was a male dominated field. so has happened with scores of other areas; nursing comes to mind

so the thing is, it’s not the work or the job that has to be uplifted and seen as more respectable. it will never work out, until people start seeing women as respectable

but there’s a doozy and who the fuck knows if it’s ever happening in my life time

"observe what happened with biology. it’s STEM, sure, but anyone in a male-dominated science will sneer at the idea of it being ‘for real,’ nevermind that everyone sure took it more seriously when it was a male dominated field."

Personal anecdote time!  I’m in a biology graduate program.  An acquaintance wanted to introduce some guy to me because his son was thinking about becoming an undergrad science major.  When he found out I was in the biology department, he grinned and said, “Well, I guess that’s kind of related to science.”

I gave him what I hope was an icy look and said, “Isn’t it strange how men outside the field started saying that right around the time biology majors shifted from mostly male to mostly female?”

The guy got this look on his face like he was about to play the “just a joke” card, and then an older woman who had been standing nearby, talking to someone else, turned to me and said, “The same thing happened with real estate.”  She went on to explain that, over the course of the career, the male-to-female ratio among real estate agents had dropped, and the pay and “prestige factor” of that job dropped along with it.

This is also famous for happening to teaching. Keep an eye on medicine over the next fifteen years and watch as it becomes less prestigious and less well-paid.

It also happened to secretarial/administrative work - in the 19th century, clerical work was utterly respectable and seen as requiring quite a lot of talent and skill (which it still does!) but then along came the typewriter and women entering the field and HEY PRESTO “she’s just some secretary”

at my university, chemical engineering, or chem eng, was often referred to as “fem eng” why? because it’s an exact 50/50 ratio of women to men, which clearly makes it too feminine. in the 70s/80s chemical engineering was one of the most important and hardest engineering fields (plastics! pulp and paper! OIL) but now that there are more women in the field it’s considered an easier field, in comparison to other fields.

for example, i once heard a girl in mech eng list some of the engineering fields in the order she thought was hardest to easiest. you know what it was? electrical, mechanical, chemical. it’s absolutely no surprise that this list is also a handy ordering of fewest women in the field to most women in the field.

AND, another point! this happens the other way around too. computer science related fields used to be dominated by women, which made it not very important (switchboard operators? yup). once men started taking over the field, well that’s when the big money and prestige came in.

The field of anthropology, which is becoming female dominated from what I can see, has been determined to be useless by some. (I’ve even had girls in STEM fields tell me I don’t study a “real science” so how’s about that internalized misogyny for ya) When I was majoring in anthropology, Gov. Rick Scott determined that Florida didn’t need any more anthropologists and wanted to reduce funding to programs and increase funding to STEM programs. While not considered a STEM field, anthropologists have contributed to the research behind STEM programs and provide a wide variety of services to Florida alone. A team of anthropologists created a powerpoint “This is Anthropology" to talk about dozens of programs and services they contribute to in Florida which include healthcare programs, education programs, disaster relief, forensic investigation, environmental programs and conservation efforts, research for fortune 500 businesses, agricultural programs, immigration programs, programs and services for the elderly, etc. I’m also in the field of education, and we’re constantly made out to be overpaid (we’re not) and made out to be incapable of doing our jobs without very strict guidance. 

It’s all very insulting, really. No matter what we study. No matter what we do to earn a living. It will never be good enough.

That original post really bothered me and this post really lays out why. Women’s work is devalued because women exist there. It doesn’t matter how hard or “soft” it is. Pushing women to pursue STEM careers is important because there are so many brilliant women; this doesn’t mean we’re devaluing “women’s work” by saying they should look at other options. One of the main goals is to one day make every profession at least half women. If we do that then it’s going to be a lot harder to devalue anything as women’s work.

There’s a really sharp divide between physics/engineering/chemistry and biology at my school. Biology and microbiology faculty and students are half or mostly women wheras chemistry/physics/engineering are mostly men. My school has a huge engineering program and surprise surprise, the “easiest” engineering program was viewed as civil engineering, which is coincidentally where most of the women are. I’ve had chemistry majors make fun of me to my back and to my face and it’s horrible because even the girl chemistry majors internalize this toxic shit. I know that I certainly view myself as less intelligent than an engineer, even though I’m highly trained in my field and I expect most engineers know nothing about microbiology or molecular biology. I know I will still always feel that insecurity.

Women are systemically devalued as human beings. The least we can do is try to level out the playing field in our careers.

Relevant link on how the pay and respect given to doctors depends on whether most doctor are men or women:

Patriarchy’s Magic Trick: How Anything Perceived As Women’s Work Immediately Sheds Its Value

So my brain is telling me ‘it is wrong to ask someone if they would have any wanting for thing X’ (a particular thing X, in this case). And, the reasons for why this is wrong all make sense to me. (It’s self aggrandizing to think they might, and at the level I know them this is not an appropriate thing to ask about). 

But, thing X is a thing I personally absolutely want. A lot. Like, one of my biggest desires. So I would be super over the moon if someone did thing X towards me. And if they felt they needed to ask first I would very much want them to do it, because then I could say YES ABSOLUTELYx1000 and otherwise they wouldn’t do it and that would be a huge loss because they were even willing, they even wanted to. 

I don’t know how to reconcile these things. Because ‘this is wrong to ask, because that’s doing bad to the person on the receiving end’, if that’s the rule, is *super bad for me in the case of me being a person on the receiving end*. [argle, struggling to articulate this…] Like - ‘this is the rule, it’s what’s right’ is the thing my brain points me toward in making this decision, but if I take that up, I am in another place not onscreen stabbing myself with the ramifications.

I - what do I *do* with this.